Do modern couples need marriage?
Last year, by coincidence, many of my friends divorced. All about thirty, give or take. Some people have a story: they met and met, but a girl who always dreamed of marriage put an ultimatum to the guy: a wedding or a final of relations. Well, then everything follows the script of the film “Bitter.” The guys, who, in the humble opinion of everyone else, didn’t fit at each other, broke up after three years. After all, she needed a marriage and beautiful photos hung throughout the apartment, but he simply agreed not to argue. Others sagged under the weight of life. Merry, beautiful, hospitable, loving each other for many years, people were completely unprepared for such an important step: she laid upon him a load of hopes and expectations, he was weak in front of an independent “adult” life.
In general, there are many such stories. And they all happen for what reason. We misinterpret the concept of marriage. We were raised in such a way that it seems to us that this is the same next step as admission to college. Classic life scenario.But for some reason, people are no longer comfortable and uncomfortable together. And it's not about dislike. There may be several reasons. The saddest and most ambitious of them is the immaturity of the partners. When a man is not mature, he cannot be the creator of his life and a new family. For him, still the main woman is the mother, whom he allows to continue to be the main one. He is not responsible for his wife, and in general hardly knows what he is doing and why. An immature girl lives in pink glasses, dreamily painting herself a wonder-husband who looks like a superman and sits with her on the sofa on Fridays and watches "Voice."
The circle is closed. Married - closed. Do you understand? It used to be fun, easy, everyone was striving somewhere. In marriage, everyone seems to be jamming, and something unthinkable begins with all kinds of "where are you going?", "Why so late", "I've been waiting for you," "and where's my supper?", "Maybe we should have children?". Why did these people get married? Most often, because "the relationship must somehow develop" or the parents promised a separate housing, for example, adding on top the desire not to delay with the grandchildren. And that's all.
People step by step doing something by inertia and with a false sense that everything is according to plan, everything seems to be true.But nature and psyche take their toll, expressing sooner or later in harsh rash actions, in expressing claims about and without, and other pleasures that only rare exceptions do — those of us who make decisions on our own.
How to be? First, it is possible to go through the painful, difficult first serious relationship and leave in time. If it doesn’t go, it doesn’t work, it doesn’t add up - do not pull this strap, dreaming about happiness in a dream. Stop understanding your partner in everything: if you categorically dislike something, and as the years go by, think about whether you are stepping on your own song? It is like a vocation. Somewhere in a very conscious age, we begin to understand what we want to do, separate ours from others, the present from the far-fetched. So with marriage. Ideally, it is about the relationship of two mature people. Accomplished, thinking and understanding adults, why they have a number of partners, what are your common goals and objectives. Another success of a long relationship is true spirituality or the pursuit of it. When you realize that you love that marriage is one; at the same time, it is ready for trials and difficulties, or maybe they will not be at all.
I look at all my friends in pairs and understand how different they are, how distinctive their beliefs and motives are. And I also see that the generally accepted institution of marriage in the modern world is not very suitable for anyone. One does not want to have children, but one wants to live for oneself, and they are extremely organic in this, they coincided, like a beautiful puzzle, and no one jerks or reworks anyone. Another comfortable with split budget. And it happens very harmoniously: they do not divide anything, they are interchangeable in financial matters, they go on the transport that is convenient for them. And a friend, for example, does not kick a loved one at all because he doesn’t need a car, but with absolute confidence in his voice, says: “It’s convenient for him on the subway, and for me by car.” All the others, all those who broke up, tried to redo each other. In the meantime, we are restless by ourselves, we will always have something to interfere in the partner. As long as we do not have a favorite business, a hobby, or friends, we will always mock a loved one by calling it love.
Do you know why thirty years is not so easy to enter into a relationship? It's not a matter of high expectations. At this age, for the first time, a person regards relations as a partnership, as a weighted system of values, and does not want to go on about it exclusively in “physics” and “chemistry”.He already knows everything about himself and wants the same knowledge from another, that is, whole and "ready" person
Modern couples need not marriage, but an understanding of why they are together. Pure, transparent awareness of love and respect for each other. And then it can be anything you like - with or without marriage. Modern couples have no sense to dwell on status, because they know what they want from this life, and marriage will only help to solve some formal things, but will not contribute to the relationship. Modern couples are comfortable both together and separately, they always have something to tell each other, because everyone is busy with his favorite work. And the more weighted, meaningful marriages, the fewer divorces and the happier our children will be.